Confident. Current. Joyful. There’s nothing dull about dressing for who we are now, says Anna Murphy – it’s empowering.

What is a ‘grown-up closet’? Your answer to that question will probably reveal some of your beliefs around what it means to be a grown-up! It’s a term that doesn’t only refer to the date on someone’s birth certificate, of course; to your literal age. It’s also about a state of mind; a state of being. And in that sense, ‘grown-up’ has become synonymous with a set of adjectives that are negative. ‘Dull’. ‘Boring’. ‘Uncool’. No, thanks.

The idea of a grown-up closet doesn’t sound that enticing; sounds slightly like something to… Uh-oh… Hang on a minute… Make you… YAAWWWWNNN. But a grown-up closet should be one of the best things that ever happened to you. Because what does it actually mean? At 51, I think I know the answer.

Grown-up is most definitely what I am these days. But I have at least as much fun as the 21-year-old me did. Actually, I have more of it. I don’t spend time worrying about what other people think of me any more. I also know myself better; am more fully realized. And, at the same time, I am more forgiving of myself. My closet reflects my newfound ease with both myself and the world. More than that, it is part of what lies behind my newfound ease.

Other synonyms for ‘grown-up’ can be read as a positive, but also have negative connotations. Is ‘sensible’ a good or bad thing to be?! I would argue it depends on who is describing you as such, and why. I am happy to be summed up as sensible Monday to Friday, for example. Saturday Night Sensible, however, not so much. What I want to come to the minds of those who love me then is that I am fun, carefree, full of joy. Which, to be clear, isn’t to say that I am the type to lose my house keys on the dance floor, either.

The point is that you can be sensible AND fun, just as you can be grown-up and living your best, most full-throttle life to date. And your closet can square that same circle. These days, I insist upon clothes that work hard for me; that are comfortable; that are of ever-after quality; that feel as good to the touch as they look. And I want to buy less that’s better. Nothing more sensible than that.

I also want clothes that I feel express who I am; that give me pleasure; that make me look if not out-and-out cool (too try-hard for me) then certainly current. I am not driven by trends. I am too much myself for that. Yet I do make sure to keep in touch with what’s contemporary, courtesy of a carefully chosen detail here and there, or a fresh approach to the way I wear things.

I think this is one of the most important things you can do as you get older. Your personal style should be precisely that: formulated by you to make you happy and empower you in the world. But you always – ALWAYS – want to present as current, too. You do your thing, whatever your thing may be, but in such a way as to look 2023, not 2003. Because looking current makes it easier to be taken as up to speed more generally; to get yourself seen and heard; to be at the center of things, rather than at the side lines.

Luckily, nothing looks more contemporary than clothes that come across as relaxed; that you wear rather than that wear you. I also swear by an athleisure finish here and there, perhaps an elasticated waist on some pants. And I like so-called tone-on-tone dressing, layering up slightly different versions of the same core shade, especially in contrasting textures.

To take the tone-on-tone approach with a neutral palette is both to add interest and to communicate confidence. It’s easier to clash-match creams or camels than it is, say, pinks or blues, but the end result can be surprisingly similar. And even when I keep my ensemble super simple – some days there is nothing I like more than just the plainest of crews and matching slacks – I will always add interest, add ‘me’-ness, with a great pair of earrings and/or a slash of lipstick.

I see what I wear now as an extension of who I am; not a mere add-on. I understand more than I did when I was younger that what you wear is serious business, influencing how others see you, but that it is also a ticket to straight-down-the-line pleasure.

Dressing your best has a purpose, in other words, but it is also an end in and of itself. Is that grown-up? I would argue it very much is. I would also argue that we need as a society to recalibrate the way we think and talk about ideas around grown-up-ness, and ageing more generally. A grown-up closet should be seen as a straightforwardly good thing, because the right type of grown-up closet IS a straightforwardly good thing.

To be 40, not to mention 60, not to mention 80, is not to be somehow diminished compared to your 20-year-old self, yet that is the messaging that is out there. In truth, it’s more often the opposite. I am more now, in so many ways, than I was when I was young. I know that many of you will feel the same way. And I intend to be yet more again as I grow older. I am living – traveling – with an open heart and an open mind, and I see every year as an opportunity for expansion. That’s why we need to change our thinking, and the way we use language, to reflect a very different idea of ageing.

Nothing makes me happier than the crispest of crisp white shirts and a great pair of jeans, or to layer a cream overcoat over a creamy cloud of a knit. Texture has become incredibly important to me. Those things that we maybe mistook for details when we were young – the perfect cup of coffee; that precious moment when a peony is at its most bodacious; the feel of cashmere against the skin – are not details. They are the threads that form the tapestry of a life well lived. We know that now. And we will dress accordingly.

Anna Murphy is Fashion Director of the Times. Her latest book is Destination Fabulous: Finding Your Way To The Best You Yet ($25, Mitchell Beazley).